So fellow Africans will also be familiar with the drama and sometimes trauma that accompanies rides within these modes of transport.
**Just to briefly explain to any non-African - A matatu is basically a minivan that is used as public transport. The quality of them is often questionable, but it does take you from point A to point B. Why complain?**So the thought occurred to me last week as I was being ushered into a matatu, that simply by judging the qualities we see, there are many jobs I feel matatu touts could do. Here's a list I compiled of 8 careers matatu tout's could quality for:
1. Salesman/woman:
The evidence is clear to most matatu passengers. Touts could be excellent salespeople. They attract your attention (the constant shouting), convince you to ride in their matatu (by whatever means), and assure you of your destination (ask if the matatu can drop you at X, and the matatu tout will always say yes without exception. Never mind that where they drop you may be X plus 500 meters)
2. Professional Gymnasts or contortionists:
This you would need to see to believe. I have seen matatu touts do amazing things with their body. For one, making themselves squeeze into an overly full matatu by sitting on the back of chairs, on metal parts in matatu’s, sitting with their butts out of the window etc. I have also seen matatu touts balance themselves with such poise and grace half in and half out of a matatu with the door wide open. And yes, the matatu was in motion.
4. Orators of any kind
Just stand at a matatu stage (bus stop) to understand why. There will be touts shouting at the top of their lungs their different destinations and the price of the ride. Again, trying to convince passangers to board their matatu’s. What’s so incredible is the size of the lungs in some of these people. They can drown the sound of cars. I considered putting this down with singer, but then I am unsure of the quality of their singing voices, so lets just leave it at public speaking.
5. Bankers:
Matatu touts love your money. So much so that they can conveniently forget to give you change. No profit for you, but profit for them. Also, though it may not happen all the time, matatu touts change their rates depending on the time, but sometimes even halfway to your destination, after you have been promised a certain rate. They do this simply to make profit. *Libor scandal sound familiar? ...Anyone?*
6. Government employed kidnappers/CIA-like agents
These guys can sometimes pick you up and put you in their vehicles. At least, that’s what it feels like. Call it enthusiasm, but the touts can physically escort you into their vehicles, especially when competing with other touts. If you are the only person at a stage, and suddenly 3 matatu’s pull up… pray.
7. Politicians
They are not much different. (See Bankers)
8. Safari Rally Drivers
This may seem to be more pertinent to the driver, but I have seen touts and driver’s exchange places which makes me believe that every driver is a tout and every tout a driver, just perhaps on a rotational basis. So if you’ve seen a matatu driver drive, you know that they can move at breakneck speeds, and are even willing to forge their own path where there is no road. Hence, they should just stick to off-road driving since they love it so much.
So there you have it. These are the joys of being African. But I have to say that despite all this, it is still an experience people (even tourists) should have, at least once. Words cannot describe how entertaining some of those rides can be as well. Oh, the people you will meet...
If you have any of your own matatu drama experiences, or perhaps a career I hadn’t considered, feel free to share!
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